xxxxmas

I love my roommates.

This is my gift from Boyd:




There's a picture of him on each side. It is spectacular.

Juice got me a book about serial killers and other heinous crimes! Part 2 was supposed to be a machete, but she got me some cute socks instead. And Kristen got me a Chinese Lucky Cat, which I LOVE. And also my favorite kind of moleskine, which I also LOVE. Other gifts include various gift cards from my parents, and oh, this MacBook Pro right here... silly me. All in all, it was a pretty fucking awesome year. I gifted everyone pots from my ceramics class, which worked out well since all people every ask for from me is something hand made.

I will be going back to Franklin once more before break is over. Reluctantly, but cheerfully nonetheless. I'm hoping that it will be a more spirited endeavor than the last. I'm thinking that maybe the reason it seemed so forced was because IT WAS. At first I felt that others were so-so and not very happy to see me, but now I realized that I was the one who felt this way and projected it on to others. I think this next time will be different, since the Christmas madness will be absent and more people will be in town. I am actually a little excited to go back.

Until then, I'm closing at Panera every night with the same people. I feel stuck in a number of ways; I do not wish to discuss. Feeling stuck, in a rut, and bored are most definitely the most unpleasant feelings to me. Hopefully this will end soon. I'm in need of something fresh and exciting. I'm ready.

satanic panic in the attic!!!!!

all i ever get is sad love, while watching all my friends find their happy love. I don't see why I should be without love. all i ever get is sad love, always falling for the ones who feel nothing for me.

sometimes i think i should just forget about love.

Home

Location: Franklin, TN


Here I am in this familiar place, my hometown, and yet I could not feel more separate and detached. This year has been different. Every time I come back I can feel my self losing touch with this place and the times I spent here. And that's normal, I'd expect. Its been a few years, and I've changed more than I even know. But coming back here can be so uncomfortable, especially at Christmas. Its absurd how much can change - even people I've known ten years are surprising me. We go long periods without talking but when we're together again its like we never miss a beat... usually. But so far, things have been slow and awkward... dare I say forced. For the longest time all I wanted to do was move to Nashville and be close with these people, but for the first time I feel so much more in touch with my life in Knoxville, even with all the crap and confusion going on. I want to savor this trip and make the most of it, but its been so boring and unpleasant thus far. I can't help but want to come home.

Home. Let me go home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.

And maybe - hopefully - this is some kind of weird experience, and the next time I'm here things will feel normal and warm and comforting again. And I'll be with my friends and we'll have that seemingly eternal bond its seemed we've always had. I really miss it. I really miss them.

Take me home.

Million Dollar Baby (1941)

"I proposed to her and she took off. Some way or another I feel kind of insulted."